Photo of the Sydney letter signed by Jesus

Jesus starts epistle campaign

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People living in one of the most gay-friendly areas of Sydney have received an epistle from Jesus, and not in a good way.

The printed letters, which are signed ‘Jesus, The Messiah’, offer a tirade against sodomy, adultery, fornication, pornography, prostitution, abortion, remarriage and divorce. And just to compound the misery, Jesus makes some basic spelling errors, first ordering Sydney’s mayor to ‘humbler herself, left I unleash my fury’, and then threatening to ‘brake your pride’. Heaven apparently has no spellcheck.

The letter seems to have been prompted by the legalisation of same-sex marriage in Australia last December, following a postal survey in which 61 per cent of Australians supported the change in the law.

Jesus is apparently so vexed about it that he’s chosen the traditional medium of bad weather to express his feelings, although the weather in question seems a bit underpowered. A recent spell of low rainfall, followed by some local hail, ‘was your warning to turn from wickedness’, the letter says.

Hopefully, Sydney residents will take note of unseasonably mild temperatures, overcast skies and scattered showers over the next few weeks, and repent in sackcloth and ashes.

Bildad the Shuhite

Bildad the Shuhite

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