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#TrumpTheology on the Samaritan Woman

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The #TrumpTheology tweets, as revealed to Alexandra Coe

That story about Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the Well is totally weird. First of all everybody knows Jesus was White and ‘Samaritan’ is just another word for a Black person. I love the Blacks, I’ll even say hello to a Black person if they have a MAGA hat on.

Jesus was very rude to that woman, though. Even if she was just a Black. He said ‘Woman, give me a drink.’ That would be like me saying to Melania, ‘Bitch get me a Diet Coke.’ I might think it but I wouldn’t say it, I’d say ‘Honey’ instead. Plus Jesus was taking a huge risk, since that woman could easily have had a knife or a Gun!!!

Also this was in the Middle East. Maybe not a big Black population but lots of Brown people. She could have been a Terrorist or suicide Bomber. Samarita is a Very Dangerous Area! Jesus should have carried a Gun himself.

Jesus said he had some special kind of Water. So why did he ask for Water when he already had it?? IDK what would have been so Great about his own water unless it was Evian or Pellegrino. Plus limes and lemons don’t Grow in that area.

Also, if he already had Water why did he go to the well in the first place? Obviously he wanted to Hook Up with someone. That’s probably why she went too, because she had a Terrible History. Telling him about it was a Big Mistake, turns out he was secretly taping her. Then he turned around and leaked her WHOLE STORY!!! So it got into the Bible!

That journalist John whatever-his-name-was got his own Book in the Bible full of everybody’s dirty secrets. She should have made Jesus sign an NDA! I heard John went on to work for the Failing New York Times and they screwed him in the end. Well Deserved!!!

Photo: Brigadier Chastity Crispbread

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