Trump as a blimp

#TrumpTheology on Gethsemane

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The #TrumpTheology tweets, as revealed to Alexandra Coe

‘Fake News’ is taking out of context everything I’ve been saying about Jesus. They should be grateful if I say good things about him, like the Evangelicals are. Obviously I was being Sarcastic!!! I am a big fan of Jesus, especially recently because I totally get how betrayed he was!! Think about it. That Lyin’ Michael Cohen and his friend Walrus John Bolton both betrayed me by writing those books. Even my own sister Mary. She’s a Dog, a fat pig and a Tramp and just wants Money!!!

But Your President is Strong. Do I ever pray and cry and whine to some God in the Rose Garden when Melania and everybody is sleeping? I’m always awake anyway. (NOT on drugs, I’ll take a lie detector test to prove it if Sleepy Joe does!!!) Your President takes Action!!! He doesn’t cry or pray, I don’t need to. I cried when Jeffrey died, that’s about it!

But I completely get Jesus. I’ve done so much for the poor people and the Black people, and real Americans too, and they’re not Grateful and Never Will be!!! Those kids at the Border had it made, Free Food!! People forget how much I have in common with Jesus. I love to hang out with hookers like he did. (Tax Collectors, not so much!!! Crooked!!! Always trying to catch me, not Smart enough!)

Jesus could have just done what I do in that garden and taken some sleeping pills or whatever to calm down. Great Night’s Sleep!!! His fault anyway for inciting Mob Violence when that guy got his ear cut off!! I would have told Bill Barr to send in the National Guard!!! Besides when I feel lonely, which every Great President does including Abraham Lincoln, I just watch Fox until I fall asleep!!! Jesus was too poor and Stupid for Technology. Clueless!!! Not sorry for him at all!! Fake Savior!!!

Photo: Brigadier Chastity Crispbread

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