Trump as a blimp

#TrumpTheology on the Seven Last Words

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The #TrumpTheology tweets, as revealed to Alexandra Coe

So supposedly Jesus spoke only 7 words when he was dying. (He was lousy at math, he said more Words than 7 if you count them.) Your President would have said many more words than that! Lots of big beautiful words!! Jesus had a Crowd there, Perfect time to make a Great Speech, but he was Very Low Energy. First he said Father Forgive them. I don’t forgive!! I Get Even! Plus, who was he talking about?? He got Himself into that situation just like John McCain.

Then he promised the Thief next to him that he’d ‘be with him in paradise’. Stealing is no big deal, but still, I wouldn’t have said a damn Thing to the guy. Never heard of him anyway, don’t know him.

Then he said something that made absolutely No Sense, Woman behold thy Son, behold thy mother?? My Mom taught me a lot, especially about Hair styles. I would never have wanted her to see me like that. Plus that disciple wasn’t his biological brother, maybe they were Cousins, but Jesus was Totally Confused by that point, probably because he was physically uncomfortable and took too many Opioids. Big Problem in the US!!!!

The only thing he said up there that was true was when he asked God about why he had forsaken him. Traitor Mitt Romney totally let me down in that impeachment vote. Presidential Harassment!!!

’I Thirst’ was ok too I guess. My mouth gets very very dry because of the Vicodin or whatever I’m on. That’s why I always drink Diet Coke!! Why didn’t those Soldiers give Jesus a Diet Coke instead of Wine mixed with Vinegar??? Not very Nice. That’s the Military for you!!

Supposedly then he said It is finished, whatever ‘it’ was. I think he meant ‘I’m finished’. Politically he was Done, just like Crooked Hillary.

The 7th thing was Father Into Thy Hands I commend my spirit. Now that makes absolutely No Sense at All. God stabbed him in the Back but Jesus still trusted him? I would have Fired God on the spot!! Much earlier in fact! If God let ME down like that I do what I did with Melania, I’d never speak to him again although I never do anyway. Jesus should have just read what was on the Teleprompter. Terrible Speech!!!

Photo: Brigadier Chastity Crispbread

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